Making the rounds..
- Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Toronto driver
never uses them.
- Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody
else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
- The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.
- Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects
it and it will result in you being rear-ended.
- Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
Ontario is a no-fault insurance province and the other guy doesn’t have
anything to lose.
- Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake
pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch
- Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good
way to scare people entering the highway.
- Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and
are apparently not enforceable in Toronto during rush hour.
- Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or
move over doesn’t mean that a Toronto driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.
- Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire.
- Learn to swerve abruptly. Toronto is the home of the high-speed
slalom driving thanks to the Provincial Highway Department, which puts
pot-holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on
- It is traditional in Toronto to honk your horn at cars that don’t
move the instant the light turns green.
- Remember that the goal of every Toronto driver is to get there first
by whatever means necessary.
- In the Toronto area, ‘flipping someone the bird’ is considered a
polite Toronto salute. This gesture should always be returned.
- At least four more cars should proceed on a left after the light
turns red. If you fail to do so, you will be rear-ended.
- The highways can also be used to dispose of any messy garbage that
may be lying around. These items are better off cluttering the side of
the road then cluttering your car’s interior where they may distract you
and cause an accident.
- If someone cuts you off you should return the gesture by speeding
around them on the right, pulling in front of them and slamming on the
brakes. This works even better when your car is of lesser value.
- Never make eye contact with another driver when passing through
Scarborough. Nuff said!